The hardest thing when a friend dies unexpectedly is the realization of all the things you had planned that you did not do. The things left unsaid. Plans to hang out or do something together that will now never happen. I constantly involve my friends and family (though my family are smarter about it now) involved in my wacky plans and schemes. That means that the plans I was working on may very well be lost.
On top of that - the guilt of feeling like you cool have done more. That you missed something that should have tipped you off the end was near. That that last conversation should have been longer - the realization that was the moment you to say and do what needed to be done. And you didn't. Then the wishing that he had said SOMETHING - had called me when he was feeling the blackness overtaking him...
At the same time - you know it really isn't your fault. But it doesn't make it any easier.
* It is HARD to be an artist. Especially one so obviously talented, but unappreciated in one's own time. Creating work - getting it out there. Making SO MUCH happen - - but so many people not realizing it. And not just not making a living from it, bu finding and realizing people are ripping him off. *
Nothing is worse than the sudden, unexpected loss of a friend or family member - with so much left undone. The biggest illusion we all suffer is that've have more time.
RIP - A.C.
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