Thoughts On the Entertainment "Business" as Related to Sideshow & Burlesque

Listening to: nothing. Seriously. I hear a heater & the furnace.


I posted what is below to a Facebook group entitled the Sideshow Spectrum, then also to another forum entitled P.O.P. (Pissed Off Performers). This is the total of everything I posted that is worthwhile.

Monkeys riding dogs, from our friends at the Banana Derby

After reading countless complaints, I looked through my notes for the book I am writing, "This Business That We Call Show," and pulled some things out of my notes that is the core idea. The actual book expounds upon these points and MUCH more. Not fun!

This is what happens when you do the work we do...

Post as below:

You want to get serious about it? Good. Create a business plan. Get liability insurance. Put an entertainment lawyer on retainer. Hire an accountant(or at least get the software). Take a business class… or several! Find an apprenticeship. Get in a peer group (this forum does not count).

Then: oh, you’re a dancer? Take dance classes! A singer and/or talker? Take some elocution classes and have a voice teacher. Take some college-level acting classes to know your way around a stage. Get & stay in shape, ready for anything in an instant! Consider theatre classes, playwriting, history — you can’t break the rules until you know them.
SO on & so forth… I hope everyone gets why I am ranting —

I am sick & tired of stoopid (sic) stories from folks who choose to remain clueless about the “business” part of this Entertainment Business. Once you start expecting or demanding payment from people - audiences and promoters - for your services, you are no longer just “an artist” - you are conducting business.

Can’t be bothered with all that? Then just keep your performing as a hobby — there is NOTHING wrong with that. You want to hobo around? Living in the wind & by the skin of your teeth? That’s cool, too. But don’t go comparing yourself or criticizing the folks who ARE doing what it takes to have a business.

I launched this rant because of a couple recent things: including this kid I met at a gig last year reach out to me & ask me to teach him some acts - it turns out he had booked himself on a tour to do sideshow: and didn’t know the acts. ON TOP OF IT: the tour he booked himself on is with a promoter who still owes me money (oh, yes - there is a contract - but I am still trying to collect more than a year later). 

At a recent show - my amazing fire performer in full swing - some kid steps up to the stage, getting in front of me, and when I politely, but firmly, tell her to move, she decides to inform ME that she’s worried about the performer because she doesn’t see a fire safety. I directly informed her she was currently distracting one of the fire safeties (me), and thanks, but we have it covered. a pro show doesn’t draw attention to the safety procedures...

I see some GREAT performers in my travels -- and some of the really great ones are not technically, "pro." There are plenty of reasons NOT to go pro! Being an "amateur" gives a performer a LOT more freedom!

I don’t mind if whatever you are doing in this Entertainment Business isn’t the only job that you have… LOTS of career folks in all kinds of careers work multiple jobs. NOTHING wrong with it, especially in this economy. You’re a hard worker — be proud! Being a “pro” does not mean working full time.

That said, if your other work/job is paying for what you do in this Entertainment Business - that you are not at least “breaking even” with what you put out compared with what you are being paid - then what you are doing is your HOBBY. Nothing wrong with that! Hobbyists do some really amazing things, they can innovate (because they can afford to with both time & $$), and it keeps the pros on their toes…

I am the Human Firework

Currently listening to WARBOUND by Larry Correia (via Audible), while watching NFL on Fox (San Francisco vs. Seattle)

I make friends everywhere I go! (photo by Stoo)

So I made my list of things to do earlier, and am kind of doing some of it... thought I would do an update:

• I messed up my grad school application process -- didn't receive everything in time for me to make the deadline of January 16. SO - I am pushing back my plan to enter the PhD program I want. At least I'll be getting everything together NOW for the deadline next year. Might even be able to apply for a fellowship and such, too. Good times...
• I found this blog full of recipes and such I hope will help me out with time management: http://www.sidetrackedsarah.com.
• Recently, we have had a change-around at the house as Alice took a regular job, so I am busy playing Mr. Mom. I don't mind at all - in fact, I am pretty darn good at it. I spent 30 years taking care of myself, so I am pretty adept at doing a lot of things. 
• Sure, fixing a car is still tough for me (mostly, because I break everything I touch; constantly breaking bolts from over tightening, shredding hoses I try to pull off... you get the idea), but I can cook, clean, dishes, laundry, shopping, and organize -- all that shyte. And not the "frat boy" version, either.
• I got a lot of that from my dad - that's how I was raised when my mum had a day job. My dad still ran his business from the house (just like I do), and since he was home he took care of things around the house - which included my sister & I. So, really, this is pretty normal as far as I am concerned.
• What I do NOT have, unfortunately, is my dad's artistry... or cooking skills. I mean - he really did some amazing stuff. I really have to work really hard to even start at pretending to have his mastery.
• SO, anyway, this website has these "freezer to slow cooker" recipes that I have decided to experiment with. It means doing all the prep work for a week of dinners, then keeping them in the freezer until it's time to actually cook them (pulling them out of the freezer the night before, putting them in the crock pot that morning).
• DOWNSIDE: Alice's job starts in the afternoon. So I get up early, get the kids off to school. Work on my stuff quietly (because Alice is still sleeping) - so emails, writing, that kind of thing - until it is time to get Alice up and off to work. Unfortunately, I have less than an hour before kid #1 gets home... and kid #2 arrives 90 minutes later. When each kid gets home they get a snack, do their homework, then change out of their uniform and get on whatever I can put them on until dinnertime. Then it's dinner, relax & hang out time with them, then off to bed. Once I get them put down I have just less than 2 hours (working quietly, because of the kids) before Alice gets home. Get her dinner and such, spending some time together before bedtime. Is hard to get MY stuff done.
• Once the kids start up with swim team/class again, it's going to scupper my whole schedule.
• ANYWAY, I need to carve out some time in the day to get everything else done. I figure quickening cooking times (without going to all tv dinners or take out) is the way to go.
• I already created a spreadsheet checklist of job responsibilities for the month;
• I have been inventorying stuff at the house --- kids kept saying they needed toothpaste, so I was like, "fine - I will get you toothpaste!" Only to find, of course, THREE UNOPENED TUBES OF TOOTHPASTE hidden away. I came across a couple other examples like this (seriously, who needs 4 opened bottles of baby powder?), so I am trying to figure out what we really need, and what we do not.

So there you are... scheduling. Lots of scheduling.

I Was Attacked by a Drug Buyer & Had to Defend Myself

Currently annoyed

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED:  Two mornings ago, I was in front of the driveway to bring in the garbage can in front of the house, still wearing my dressing gown & fez (as I have said I would do every morning in the new year - see pics above), and I saw a dealer in a white sedan do a hand off to 3 guys in a light blue minivan. As the minvan drove by me I yelled out to it, "Did you just buy drugs?," at which time the driver swerved the van and tried to run me over. I had a hard wood bat with me (as we tend to carry them in the neighborhood because of occasional loose dogs), and swung it at the van as I jumped out of the way - smashing the window behind the driver's door - which broke the bat.

They sped away, then, leaving the street littered with glass, and the broken pieces of my bat... I loved that bat.

I immediately called 911; but my adrenaline was so high I couldn't get the license number or much to help out - click the links in the description above to see images I remembered for the police. When the police arrived, an officer I had never seen before gave me one look (see image above), and pretty much dismissed everything I said from that point forward.

Note to self: remove fez before talking to police.

Still pulling pieces of glass out of my hair the next day. But got the glass cleaned up out of the street. Checked all the perimeter alarms at the house, again. Checked everything is loaded. Now I have to get a new bat. Maybe a composite this time...

I will say this:  the buyer is very lucky I didn't break the bat over his head.


BACKGROUND:  If you didn't know - we have sort of a problem with drug dealers in my neighborhood. This fine neighborhood, once voted the most beautiful street in the city, has been on something of a downward trend (just like the ENTIRE CITY - make no mistake) with more empty houses... but the houses still look good and the residents are on the up & up. Well... except that ONE house (you know the one I mean).

But because of the type of street it is (short, quiet, & open at each end with not many houses on it), and its proximity to certain well-traveled areas -- AND, I suspect, because our house stood empty for 3 years before we bought it -- out of town buyers are often directed to wait on our street for a buyer to come by and do a quick hand off. Sadly, we know that when we see a car with a white person in it, they are probably there to buy. Watch them for a few minutes, and a dealer will come by and make the deal.

We are not talking about simple weed deals, though -- biggest problem in this city is heroin. And it is so cheap that buyers drive for HOURS to get here to score. And, because of the ineffectiveness of the DA's office in prosecuting dealers (there really is NO other reason) and basic issues with how "law enforcement" works (if you want to call it that), there is very little the police can do.

These failures (a regular occurrence) are what led me to try and run for mayor in the last election (though my family made me pull out of the race prior to the filing deadline for the election). There is no passive way to fight this kind of thing.


IN MY OPINION:  NOTE: This goes against a lot of what I have read on the subject.  Drug dealers only understand two things: profit and violence. I believe the only way to get them to leave an area is to impact their profit. Get the buyers to leave; harass them and make it too much trouble for them to deal in your neighborhood or area. Chase off the buyers (I have done it with axe handles, sledgehammer, and one time a chainsaw... once I did it just by looking like Cat Stevens). Chase off the dealers. Threaten them, then follow through with physical violence. Drug dealers, by and large, use violence as intimidation -- use it right back at them. But harder.

The "war on drugs" says that you get the low-level dealers, then have them cut a deal by rolling over on the one above them (then that dealer gets out of jail free), then get that next guy to roll over on the one above him (in turn, going free), and so on up the line to find the supply chain.

Thing is: that doesn't work. The low level dealer is back out on the street that same day, and back to dealing. The quality of life for the neighborhood and citizens continues to stay low. Get someone higher up the food chain and able to make the charges stick? Whoopee, Mr. D.A. Someone new just steps in the position, and the whole network is still in place to make the deals.

Follow the example of Russia (watch this video here) and remove the low level dealers. Cut off the hydra's head and stick a torch in it (by making it REALLY hard to deal - so casual sellers won't want to get in on it - again, attack the bottom line). Make it hard for buyers to find a guy (and make them just plain scared to even try). Keep doing that - and it will seriously limit the amount of dealers on the streets.

Something About Nothing

Currently watching Supernatural on TNT

How I see myself & my team

How my team sees me

I have a great team of folks I work with in FreakShow Deluxe -- but sometimes I just get so caught up in my own stuff that I let them down. It's tough to be responsible for my people; but I care about them and I want to look out for them.

But, sometimes, I just get so worn down and - like I said - so caught up in what I have going on (usually in my head), that I just can't keep it together.

It's tough... it's hard... but you make the choice to just keep trying.

No School Tomorrow!

Currently watching: Person of Interest on CBS.

La Pequita Aranita knows there is no school tomorrow!

School has been cancelled tomorrow -- AGAIN!

I really need these kids to go to school if I am going to be getting anything done in the new year. Not like I completely have to oversee every minute of their day... but SOMETHING has to be done.

It's been so cold outside the past two days that the dogs won't go out. Luckily, there is a training pad in the kitchen for the little dog to use (she has a tiny bladder, anyway) - and I just force the bigger dogs out to relieve themselves.

THIS YEAR I happen to have a lot of new things on my plate to do. I have lists upon lists upon lists. I am not boasting... this is more of a "throwing my hands up and saying, 'what the hell is wrong with me?!'" kind of post. I hope you enjoy it.

Here are a few highlights:

• Apply to a PhD Program: http://www.wikihow.com/Apply-for-a-PhD-in-the-US
• Help my friend James Taylor get his next SHOCKED & AMAZED book out! http://www.shockedandamazed.com
• Get the redone JACK INFO: the Dayton Files up on Amazon for the Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Jack-Info-Dayton-Files-Adventures-ebook/dp/B004VGTQOK (don't buy this one... this link is just the placeholder if you're interested about Jack Info. Soon a MUCH larger book will be up - full of extras and great stuff!) Also you can check out stuff here: http://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/AdventuresofJackInfo/info
• There is a LOT of scheduled touring with FREAKSHOW DELUXE: http://freakshowdeluxe.tumblr.com
• AND I am learning some new computer stuff -- working with Adobe InDesign: http://tv.adobe.com/watch/adobe-evangelists-terry-white/how-to-get-started-with-adobe-indesign-cs6-10-things-beginners-want-to-know-how-to-do/

So there is some cool stuff going on!

Yay.

Thoughts...

I was going to commit suicide once. Was pretty serious about it. Considered it a few times, but this particular time I was really going through with it. Had my gun. Bullets. Alone in my apartment. Loaded the gun. Put it in my mouth.

Couldn't do it.

TV was on. Somewhere in the haze of crying as I tried, but couldn't pull the trigger, I heard the suicide prevention line commercial come on. Took that as a sign. Put down the rifle. Picked up the telephone. Called the hotline.

Someone answered. I started blurting out how I was going to kill myself. That I had a gun. I was ready to do it, but having trouble. I was a mess. I needed help. Just please somebody, anybody, help me. His voice came over the line --

"I'm sorry… but I am just the answering service. If you want, I can take your number and have someone call you back."

I said, "Never mind," and hung up. I sat for a while. I dried my tears. I realized that there was no one in this world for me, but me. I decided to keep going on. But I wasn't happy about it.

Made art about it. Had bullet engraved with my name on it. Put it in a frame with a staged picture of me with the gun in my mouth. Bad poem handwritten next to it. It got some laughs.

It was lost with everything else in 1998.

For a long time, I kept a shotgun slug with my name on it on display in my living room. Ready to pick up and use. Also lost in 1998. Along with my guns.

My going on was meant to be my big "F*ck you" to the system, the world, by continuing. But it has not been.

I did go to counseling now and again. "All in my head," and "I can change the tapes that run in my mind," were the advice. Was given drugs, but they were horrible… bad hallucinations. Couldn't trust what was real and unreal...

A couple times during grad school I considered suicide again. Went to the school doctor. He prescribed something. Never filled it. Framed the prescription. Kept it on display in various apartments and houses for a while. It's put away now. Doesn't seem so funny any more.

My friend recently committed suicide. He shot himself in the heart. He was a sensitive, artistic guy. I see why he did it.

He was also damaged goods. AND he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. A disease, his sister called it at the memorial service/funeral. It was the disease that killed him -- not the gunshot. I see why he did it.

I am looking at, once again, losing my business. My money is run out. I cannot take care of what I am supposed to. I cannot deal with what I am supposed to.

I have two beautiful children. I have a beautiful girlfriend - though she is done with me and I do not think she cares for me anymore. I should not die for them. But I do not want to burden them with my pain and how awful I feel and that I am making them.

My repeating fantasy is recently to have my girlfriend kill me. To hold her hand while she thrusts the knife blade into my heart. I think about pulling a gun on myself. I have one here for it.

But I want to die. I do not want to go on...

But, then… maybe I will.

Hate

Dear person who will probably never read this... and even if you do, probably will not think it is about you --

I have never hated anyone in my life before... but I hate you.

Oh, sure - I have disliked individuals before... I have even been upset, disappointed, annoyed, disgusted, angry - even furious at times! But actual hate? No.

Yet now I am faced with seething, gut-churning, white hot, red-mist-clouding-my-vision HATE for you.

And this isn't the kind of hate you have for some abstract person like a celebrity or politician - where it is really just a dislike of the kind of person they are or their political beliefs or leanings. The abstract idea of blanket hate for people of a certain religion or social-economic background or race identification.

No, no... this is the genuine, deeply personal despising of everything that makes you, the individual, you.

The mere thought of you fills me with loathing... so I have put you as far out of mind as possible.
In the rare times someone mentions your name, apparently I give that person a look of disgust. I specifically ask people not to say your name in front of me. When I hear your name, I bristle - even when it is just a random use of it.
Images of you overwhelm me with the desire to deface them, delete them, and destroy them in any way I can.
Honestly, if I were ever to see you in person, I cannot trust myself that I would not assault you. And possibly whomever you are with, because the fact that they would keep company with the likes of you disgusts me as well.

I deleted every picture I had of you (especially the ones of you and me together), then I untagged every picture I could of you online that I had set. If I had any hardcopy pictures I would burn them. I am Photoshopping you out of my life and remembrance. I unfriended you from Facebook... then I went ahead and just blocked you, because I do not want to be tempted to go and look at your page or photos because seeing what you are up to or looking at your pictures just fills me with hatred, anger, disgust, and fury.

Even sitting here and typing this out - only because I thought getting these feelings out might make me feel a little better and let off some of that anger/hate/disgust - makes my hands shake, my vision blur, and the bile rise in my throat.

I hate you.

The only reason I can think of that created and brings about so much hate for you is that I once felt so much love for you. I cared about you. I cherished you. I looked out for and protected you. I did my very best for you. I did things that I wasn't happy to do - that went against my feelings of right and wrong - but I did everything I could to make up for that... and I did it because of all the love in my heart for you.
But you took - not just my feelings, my love, the part of my heart I had given - but everything that I did for you and wanted for you and dreamed about for you, and you not only destroyed it, but then took a big shit on it, too.

While I love my friends, I am so annoyed when they say, "well, it happened for this reason, and it happens for that reason." Sure - I get all of that, it absolutely makes sense. It is my hope that, down the road (give it some time), these reasons will console me more. Because, right now, they do not. I am just hateful.

Still loving my friends, I am somewhat disgusted to hear that they keep in contact with you, much less remain friends, or are keeping in touch. It makes me offended that they think so little of me, and what has been done to me. That, to them, it is nothing. I have to remind myself that their actions are (probably) not personal attacks towards me.

But sometimes that is hard to believe.

When I point out, "this person did this thing to me... are you sure you want to trust them?!" And I get back, "Oh, sure - well, that's you, right? I'm sure I will be treated better," from my (alleged) friend... I hope you get it and get it hard!! And when you get screwed over, (alleged) friend, and cheated and lied to and ripped off... EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO, I will take no joy in saying, "I told you so."

Well... maybe just a tiny twinge.

Sure, I considered taking petty revenge - but, really, what is the point? There is the possibility you would not see the actual hatred motivating it, and might (god forbid) take it as a sign that I am giving you intention... and I imagine that for you, that is what you really want. Another fish on your hook. Another sucker with you. Another person who is going to tell you how great you are - and they will honestly believe it.

That is what you want, isn't it?

You probably want to know that I am seething, and angry, and hateful. It's all fun and games to you right now, isn't it? At least, until that assault comes and it all becomes painfully real. That doing something to someone to create a real hatred in them is really not smart. And that's is part of it: you are not as smart as you think you are. You are not as "with it" as you think, either.

Because I don't think anyone has ever hated you before. You have made people mad by your lies and manipulation -- but most of the ones I talked to just wrote you off and want nothing else to do with you. They continue to put up with you, maybe have forgiven the slights. Some of them you still have hanging on - you keep them from slipping over that edge, somehow...

But not me.

I hate you.
I hate what you have done to me.
I hate what you have done to my family.
I hate what you have done to my kids.
I hate what you have done to my business.
I hate what you have done to my other personal and business relationships.
I hate the issues I see coming up in my professional and personal lives because of what you have done.
I hate that what you have done will affect my future relationships. I feel sorry for the people who will be affected by what you have done.

I am sorry for every moment I spent with you.
I am sorry for every moment I spent caring about you.
I am sorry for every moment I spent talking to you.
I am sorry for every moment I spent counseling you and pushing you to be better and move forward.
I am sorry for every moment I brought you to spend with my family.
I am sorry for introducing you to my girl and my children.
I am sorry for introducing you to my company and my friends.
I am sorry for including you in anything that I did, created, or was a part of.


What's more, I am sad because I always told you the truth...
        And everything you told me was lie.


Probably tomorrow, I will think better of this post and delete it.